In a Domestic Violent Relationship and can't Leave? Studies Shows it's not your Fault.

As we can agree the relationship never just starts off abusive, otherwise who would knowingly go in to a situation like this, you may see red flags which now I know when I see them I run!! lol. Usually it start's like any normal relationship; sweet, natural and loads of excitement.

Each situation is unique when it comes to the dynamics of the relationship, there are many elements that will be factored in to why someone has stayed so long or accepted it as normality.

Other factors like childhood trauma which may have made you fall into a 'toxic' relationship. A lack of seeing your self worth. Cultural issues. Having children with this person and being co-dependant. Some people have been brought up in a toxic environment which then it seems normal the child who then accepts this behaviour later on in life.

I've heard many people talk on this topic saying "why haven't they just left" or one I personally heard "it's always with the women with loud mouths" supposedly at the time from which I know now was a strange frenemy. Why wouldn't anyone stick up for themselves? Should people be defenseless?

Do not listen to certain people, especially if they haven't experienced such things or understand on a higher perspective or can see the root why certain things happen...lack of education. This could then lead you to feeling shame and guilt and all other emotions, but if everyone understood just how a normal human's mind is so susceptible then we throw into the mix a vulnerable person, it seems this situation was inevitable.

Only through the end of my relationship I was able to learn boundaries and could discern clearly what was not love and my own wrongs, where I allowed it and finding the deeper reasons to why it was accepted.

'Coincidentally', I have run into a few women on my travels who have been in these unique situations, one I would like to touch on in particular are cultural types.

Some men/women have grown up to see there parents/grandparents do this to their partner making the subject feel like it is normal behaviour, it becomes part of culture and is then accepted, very common in not only in the UK but places like Poland, China and India to say a few but this is another global issue.

On this particular subject, so many are suffering right now but it seems it's been going on for generations.

Mentally, here are just a couple of reasons why one would stay in an unhealthy situation because they may be unaware of why;

Trauma bonding: The act of having highs and lows with an individual which creates an addiction with the person, it's the same as the type of addiction with drugs maybe worst. They give highs to clinch you in so when you experience the lows you crave the highs.

Stockholm syndrome: Is a state which you take on defending your abuser. It takes 3 days to induce this state. For some women or men in this type of relationship the longer you stay the harder it is to leave.

This is only a few reasons why one couldn't leave, but there are thousands of elements, so before your quick to judge others or even judge yourself, please do not because it doesn't better the situation and for outsiders rather than judge maybe put out a hand for this person who you may know that may be suffering.

For the abusers, yes they should be persecuted which helps in the short term, but humans are not things they can't just be disposed of and they should too when they come to terms that their actions are wrong they should get councelling to re-program their view or motivations on why they seem fit to do certain actions.

You may well love this person, have a history and loads of memories, but accepting and continuing in your relationship, makes the perpetrators believe their behaviour is acceptable and to others who are around. If you continue this sort of relationship you may end up like other victims, dead.

The world already can be hard and harsh, your partner should be your safe place, a place of love, comfort and security.

If you are stuck and need help, there are people out there who can help you with accommodation or support, the road isn't easy but it's worth it.

Lastly, abuse isn't always physical.

If danger is imminent then please call 999.

Here is a charity below with help and advice you should contact;

24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline

Freephone: 0808 2000 247

Website: https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/